Things My Mother Taught Me

Since it's Mothers Day I thought I'd share a little something I received in an e-mail.  The author of this piece is unknown....probably because they didn't want their mom finding out they wrote it!  :-)

How many of these do we "teach" our kids these days?  There's quite a few in here that I know I teach on a daily basis, and after reading them I've decided that I am becoming my mother! 

                                              THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning the house!"

My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL - "If you don't sort yourself out, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week"

My mother taught me LOGIC - "Because I said so, that's why."

My Mother taught me LOGIC...#2 - "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going shopping with me."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS - "Shut your mouth and eat your dinner!"

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM - "Will you "look" at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there 'till all that spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS - "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen THEN?"

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!">

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - "Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me about ENVY - "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION -  "Just wait until we get home."

My Mother taught me about RECEIVING - "You are going to get it when we get home!"

My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE - "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to stick that way."

My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD - "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."

My Mother taught me ESP - "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"

My Mother taught me HUMOR - "When that lawnmower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT - "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

My Mother taught me about GENETICS - "You're just like your father."

My Mother taught me about my ROOTS - "Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE - "When you get to be my age, you will understand."

And my all time favorite... JUSTICE - "One day you'll have kids ...and I hope they turn out just like you!"